Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like life isn’t going as planned? You continue to ask yourself where did I go wrong? Am I being punished? These last couple months have been so rough for me, I feel like I can’t catch a break, and now I think all these life changes are now manifesting itself into me getting sick. This past week I have had the worst headaches that literally last all day, from the second I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I finally fall asleep. I’ve never had headaches so bad that no amount of medication will take the edge off, where I literally feel drunk because I’m so light headed. It has really been interfering with my life and it’s such a downer. I really feel it’s a combination of both stress, some other life changing events, and then the aftermath of my miscarriage.
Just a quick little update on my body/mind after miscarriage, emotionally I feel like I’m still a wreck! I still have to fight back the tears if anyone asks how I’m doing or if my current pregnant friends have great news to share with me. Don’t get me wrong I’m beyond excited for all my friends that are currently pregnant and I wish them nothing but the best but I can’t help but think how far along I would be, I’d probably be showing now, and we would most likely already know the gender of the baby. It just really sucks to not be at that point anymore and I still can’t help but wonder why and what went wrong? I really don’t know how long this feeling is going to last? When am I not going to want to burst into tears at the thought of my baby that could be? It probably doesn’t help that 2 months later I am still experiencing the miscarriage, yes that’s right, I’m still bleeding, and have been bleeding for almost 8 weeks now non stop. I’m just so frustrated, when is this going to end? Am I still experiencing a miscarriage, am I having a period, is this hormonal bleeding, did I have another miscarriage? So many unanswered questions that can’t be answered that only make me more and more stressed and depressed everyday! I just want to move on with my life! I just want to forget this happened and start fresh! Why do I have to have a constant reminder everyday of my loss? Where is that light at the end of the tunnel? I just really need to see a glimpse of it, I don’t know how much longer I can take of this. I feel like my body just hates me right now! This constant state of bleeding is probably a contributor to my headaches. I already have such low blood pressure so I’m sure with everything going on it’s even lower now and not to mention my iron level has probably dramatically decreased. I’m going to need a dang blood transfusion by the time my body gets it together! Gees! I’ve made it a point to start taking my prenatal vitamins again, I’m taking an extra iron supplement, and then I’m back to drinking my Shakeology again. I need all the vitamins and nutrients I can get right now. I feel like my body is so weak and unhealthy right now and I need to get back on track. I haven’t been working out due to my slight depression, I just don’t have the desire or motivation right now but I know that I need to get back on that wagon. Working out will definitely help my stress level decrease and I remember when I was working out consistently I felt so much better mentally not just physically. I’m going to slowly start getting back into my workouts here in the next couple days and then the typical cliché thing to do…but my New Years resolution is to get back into shape and be the healthiest I’ve ever been! What are your guys New Years resolutions I’d love to hear?
I found this picture on Pinterest that I’d thought I’d share, it’s little pictures like this that can sometimes be very inspiring and help you get through your day. I just love Pinterest, it’s the best! Enjoy!