My flaws

How many of you have tried on your bikini recently that you will be wearing this summer and afterwards have found yourself so depressed? That would be me! I’m so not ready for summer and here in San Diego, it basically is summer! It’s been 90 degrees here some days and people are already making their way to the beach on the weekends. I just bought 2 new bikinis from Victoria’s Secret and when I put them on, I wanted to cry! My husband was there in the room when I tried them on and I was instantly so embarrassed and just felt so fat! In my mind I kept thinking, he probably thinks this bikini does not look good on me at all. During the holidays I felt like I had so much time to get more in shape and now bikini season is here and I’m nowhere near ready. I know some of you are probably looking at my picture thinking I’m crazy and I’m not “fat” at all or you wish you were as “fat” as me but honestly WE ALL DO IT!!
We all look at ourselves and just nitpick the crap out of our appearance. I don’t think there’s one girl who would look at herself and be 100% happy with what she sees. I can guarantee you there’s “skinnier” girls then me crying right now over the same thing.

If it was just me by myself with my kiddos then I would be totally comfortable, but throw my husband in there and some other random people I don’t even know and instantly I’m ashamed. It’s like we feel we have to be always in competition with one another or people are always sizing us up. I don’t want some other guy looking at me thinking my husband has an “unattractive wife” whose let herself go after kids. And then when it comes to other woman we always size ourselves up to them, who’s prettier? Who’s skinnier? Who has cuter clothes? I could go on and on with what we do as girls. But why does it have to be this way? Why do we have to look at ourselves and hate what we see? Why when it comes to our looks do we feel we need to be the “hottest” girl in the room? Why can’t we just focus on being healthy? Why can’t we just focus on being a good hearted person? Isn’t that what really matters? Why can’t we realize that we are so much more than what we look like, weigh, or that designer purse we carry? Our worth doesn’t come from a number on a scale or the number on a measuring tape; it comes from knowing who we are within!

I have recently dealt with a loss in my family and it’s really making me reevaluate my life and how I want to spend my days. I don’t want to be that girl who is constantly weighing herself and worrying about calories every time I put something in my mouth. I want to enjoy my life! I want to make memories with my family and children that will last a lifetime. When your 90 years old do you want to feel like you missed out on life because you constantly turned down lunch dates with girlfriends or didn’t enjoy that cake on your son’s birthday? No you want to remember the laughs you had with friends sitting around that table with a drink or two and your son’s messy chocolatey face as you eat birthday cake together.  Being healthy and fit is all about moderation, it’s not about being miserable and depressed because you constantly have to say NO. I’m going to go out to dinner with my husband and eat whatever I want on that menu, I’m going to get ice cream with my kiddos on these hot summer nights and you know what…I’m not going to care!! I’m not going to stress out about it. I’m going to learn to love myself and that means to learn to love all my flaws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to sit and eat pizza and ice cream daily but when the situation presents itself I’m going to eat it and I’m going to enjoy it! Life is to short to sit and worry about minor things. Life is about making memories and that is now what I intend to do.

Easter baskets for toddlers

Hi everyone! Now that Kaidens birthday party is over, it’s time to focus on Easter crafts and most important, the Easter basket. Kaiden just turned two years old, which helps making up an Easter basket for him a little easier but I still feel toddler Easter baskets can be a little tricky, especially when it comes to the idea of all that candy and chocolate. I would really rather stay away from getting him any sort of candy, if anything he can just have a little bit or two from his older sister’s candy filled Easter basket. I’m so excited for Easter this year, as last year Kaiden hadn’t even started crawling yet so this year I’m really looking forward to egg decorating and the egg hunt with him. I know he’s going to be so excited!

When it comes to an Easter basket you don’t have to get all fancy and spend a ton of money on a basket your kids could care less about, unless you plan on using it for many years to come, it’s not worth the money. Kids don’t care about the actual basket, I feel like that’s more for the parents and the presentation of things, kids only care about what’s inside. I usually just go to my local dollar tree where you can find adorable baskets or to be even more practical use a toy as your basket, some really great toys to use as baskets would be a sand pail (great to use later for beach trips) or for boys some sort of dump truck.

 I usually search online or even on Pinterest for some toddler basket ideas so today I thought I’d share with you some of the items I have bought already and also some other really great toddler appropriate gift ideas.  
Kaiden absolutely loves reading books so you can’t go wrong with some new reading material.
Besides getting toys I like to also get practical stuff that my kiddos actually really need. So now that Kaiden is outgrowing the highchair, I thought a new booster seat would be a perfect Easter bunny gift. I debated what booster seat to get but after thinking about it for awhile I thought this seat was perfect. I didn’t want something with a tray because the whole point of a booster seat is to remove clutter (bye bye high chair) and to also have your kiddos learn to sit at the table with you. I really think because it’s a turtle and he loves animals, he’ll be so excited to sit on it as well. I’ll keep you posted how the transition from a highchair to booster seat goes.
Some other great ideas to add to your little ones basket….
I hope these ideas help bring some inspiration to your kiddos baskets this year! Let me know in the comments section if you have any other ideas as I would love to hear them! Hope everyone has a great week!

A hope for my future

I don’t particularly talk about my miscarriage often but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t consume my mind continuously. I don’t feel that a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about the baby that could have been. When it comes to my emotions I’m usually more of a private person and don’t like to bother others with my problems. This blog has become a way for me to express my frustrations, for all I know no one even reads it but at least it’s a way for me to get my feelings out in a positive way. I would hope though that I can reach one person who has gone through a similar situation and bring a little more peace to her day knowing she’s not alone. I have recently found myself becoming very angry that this miscarriage happened to our family; I can’t help but be in countdown mode thinking that in just 3 months I would have been delivering another baby. It’s been almost 9 months since we originally decided to add another child to our family and to think that it could still be many more months until we get pregnant again is just so depressing. I really don’t know how much longer I can go on with the disappointment of another negative pregnancy test. For those of you who have struggled with infertility then you understand my hatred of peeing on those dang sticks and watching just the control line appear! I sometimes wonder if “GOD” doesn’t think I’m ready to experience the joy of being pregnant again. Do I need to be healed from this miscarriage before I can move on? Can you ever really be healed? Does the pain ever go away and do you ever forget? They say time heals everything but how much time is that? I still find myself very emotional and cry occasionally and it’s been 5 months. I feel most frustrated and still have such unanswered questions. Life just feels so unfair at times! I have been finding myself doubting “GOD” and his plan for my future, they say “GOD” doesn’t bring you pain but then why would he do this to me? Why would he take away my sweet baby? Why doesn’t he want me to be a mother again? Does he feel like I’m not a good mommy? Or was he saving this baby from a life of pain and struggle? Then it makes me wonder how my husband feels about all this? Would my husband have married me if he would have known that I couldn’t give him the family he has always wanted? Would I have married him if the roles were reversed? My husband would love to have a big family and it makes me so sad knowing I may not be able to give that to him. The other day at my daughter’s softball game there was a family of 7! 7 kids can you believe that? I laughed to myself thinking of the chaos in that family household but in all reality I was jealous of that mother. Jealous she was able to get pregnant 7 times and deliver 7 children. Jealous that she was able to have her children back to back so that they are all close in age. My husband joked that that would be us in the future and I laughed not because that’s to many children but because I worry we won’t be able to even have 4 children let alone who knows how long it will take to add this 3rd child to our family. This whole 2-3 year gap in between children is not going to work if we want to continue having more; I worry now that since I’m almost 31 years old we are going to run out of time.
My sister in law recently gave me the book “Expecting with Hope claiming joy when expecting a baby after loss” by Teske Drake.
 It is a Christian based book and made for mommies to read when their pregnant again but you can definitely read it beforehand.  I have never been much into religion as this book has tons of bible verses but I find this book very reassuring. Maybe because it’s written by  woman who have gone through similar situations, they totally understand my feelings and get where I’m coming from, I feel like this book is really speaking to me and it’s what I need at this time.  One of the very first things I read that really hit home with me is that “the joy and innocence of pregnancy is lost”. This is totally true! I’m definitely not this naïve girl anymore who thinks the first time you have unprotected sex you’ll get pregnant and then 9 months later you deliver this healthy baby with no complications. Unfortunately after my 2ndchild was delivered at only 29 weeks and now this miscarriage I see pregnancy as one of the scariest time of a woman’s life. I really wish I didn’t feel this way, I wish I could just be carefree and totally excited when pregnant, don’t get me wrong I absolutely love being pregnant and welcome it with open arms,  I just see things in a new light. To me being pregnant is so stressful and every little symptom you freak out and think something is wrong! Being pregnant truly is a miracle and when you really think of the whole conception and birthing process it truly is amazing! As written in the book “trust him now, so that as your future unfolds-whatever the outcome-he is there to take you by the hand”.  What is my outcome going to be? I feel like I sound so greedy and ungrateful saying I hope to give my husband that large family like he’s always wanted, I feel so guilty saying I hope to be blessed with multiple pregnancies and healthy children, especially when there’s woman who can’t even conceive just 1 child. I should be so grateful for the two that I have. Maybe that is “GODs” plan for me? Right now I can’t be content with this though, I can’t find peace and seek GOD wholeheartedly at this time, right now I’m having a hard time putting all my trust in him, especially when it comes to the life of my children. Right now as I’m typing this my Granny is in the hospital very sick and I fear she won’t make it much longer. It makes me sad to think that she probably won’t meet her next great grandchild. It makes me angry to think that maybe if I wouldn’t have had a miscarriage she would have at least gotten to meet one more of my children. When it comes to moments like this in your life this is where you can’t find reason and nothing makes sense. This is where you doubt the presence of a “GOD”!  No matter how long a person is on this earth, no time is long enough. No matter their age or the reason of their death their still the love of someone’s life and no time no matter how long isn’t enough. I really hope that someday I will be able to come to peace with how my future is unfolding and it will all make sense.  Until then…”Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1)

Quick and Easy Makeup Tutorial

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely love playing with makeup and trying out new products but 75% of the time I just don’t have the energy or even the time to pull out all my eyeshadow brushes and worry about blending a bunch of different colors together. As a busy mom I’m usually running out the door, so I just need something quick and easy that I can do for running errands but I can at least still look some what put together. This look here that I will be showing you is super easy and will take you probably a total of only 5 minutes to do! I hope you guys enjoy this simple “natural” look! Feel free to leave comments below and leave me requests for videos in the future!