My flaws

How many of you have tried on your bikini recently that you will be wearing this summer and afterwards have found yourself so depressed? That would be me! I’m so not ready for summer and here in San Diego, it basically is summer! It’s been 90 degrees here some days and people are already making their way to the beach on the weekends. I just bought 2 new bikinis from Victoria’s Secret and when I put them on, I wanted to cry! My husband was there in the room when I tried them on and I was instantly so embarrassed and just felt so fat! In my mind I kept thinking, he probably thinks this bikini does not look good on me at all. During the holidays I felt like I had so much time to get more in shape and now bikini season is here and I’m nowhere near ready. I know some of you are probably looking at my picture thinking I’m crazy and I’m not “fat” at all or you wish you were as “fat” as me but honestly WE ALL DO IT!!
We all look at ourselves and just nitpick the crap out of our appearance. I don’t think there’s one girl who would look at herself and be 100% happy with what she sees. I can guarantee you there’s “skinnier” girls then me crying right now over the same thing.

If it was just me by myself with my kiddos then I would be totally comfortable, but throw my husband in there and some other random people I don’t even know and instantly I’m ashamed. It’s like we feel we have to be always in competition with one another or people are always sizing us up. I don’t want some other guy looking at me thinking my husband has an “unattractive wife” whose let herself go after kids. And then when it comes to other woman we always size ourselves up to them, who’s prettier? Who’s skinnier? Who has cuter clothes? I could go on and on with what we do as girls. But why does it have to be this way? Why do we have to look at ourselves and hate what we see? Why when it comes to our looks do we feel we need to be the “hottest” girl in the room? Why can’t we just focus on being healthy? Why can’t we just focus on being a good hearted person? Isn’t that what really matters? Why can’t we realize that we are so much more than what we look like, weigh, or that designer purse we carry? Our worth doesn’t come from a number on a scale or the number on a measuring tape; it comes from knowing who we are within!

I have recently dealt with a loss in my family and it’s really making me reevaluate my life and how I want to spend my days. I don’t want to be that girl who is constantly weighing herself and worrying about calories every time I put something in my mouth. I want to enjoy my life! I want to make memories with my family and children that will last a lifetime. When your 90 years old do you want to feel like you missed out on life because you constantly turned down lunch dates with girlfriends or didn’t enjoy that cake on your son’s birthday? No you want to remember the laughs you had with friends sitting around that table with a drink or two and your son’s messy chocolatey face as you eat birthday cake together.  Being healthy and fit is all about moderation, it’s not about being miserable and depressed because you constantly have to say NO. I’m going to go out to dinner with my husband and eat whatever I want on that menu, I’m going to get ice cream with my kiddos on these hot summer nights and you know what…I’m not going to care!! I’m not going to stress out about it. I’m going to learn to love myself and that means to learn to love all my flaws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to sit and eat pizza and ice cream daily but when the situation presents itself I’m going to eat it and I’m going to enjoy it! Life is to short to sit and worry about minor things. Life is about making memories and that is now what I intend to do.

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