Do you ever find yourself envious of others on the internet? Whether it’s from a blog, Facebook, or Instagram do you ever sit and wish you were lucky enough to have their life? I know I’m definitely guilty of this on numerous occasions! Why do we sit and do this though? How many times can we be told that Facebook for instance is only someone’s highlight reel. Do you ever see girls posting about the huge fight they just had with their husband leaving them home alone crying? No! Instead you see pictures of them going out having a great time all kissy face! Do you ever see girls taking selfies with no makeup on and hair is a disaster because they just woke up? No! Instead girls only take selfies when they feel their makeup and hair is on point! If we know this to be true then why can’t we remember this when scrolling our news feed? I sit and remind myself this all the time yet every day I find myself wishing, “I was as skinny as that girl”, “my husband would buy me a Louis Vuitton purse”, or that “I could travel the world visiting exotic locations”. The truth most likely is though, and not to be stereotypical because this isn’t all girls but that “skinny” girl is 21 years old, has never had kids, and gets paid to work out in the gym a couple hours a day. That girl whose husband bought her the Louis Vuitton purse is actually giving her a gift hoping she’d take him back after he told her he wanted to get a divorce last month and moved out. And that girl who travels the world visiting exotic locations is a “model” and uses men to get what she wants, there is no actual love in her life it’s all a mirage. Some of this may be a little dramatized but I also guarantee that some of the “fitness models” who I used to follow on Instagram this was actually real life.
I’ll never forget about 5 years ago this model I had such a girl crush on her. She was absolutely beautiful and not just pretty but a natural beauty, she always had the cutest clothes, hair and make-up always looked amazing, she drove a BMV, always had a new designer bag, was on the covers of multiple magazines, and would date the hot Motocross guys. I always remember thinking, “I wonder if I had chosen a different path in my life such as not having my daughter at 23 years old how different my life could have been”? I followed this girl’s life on Facebook for a couple years; constantly envious of how her life was turning out and at the time I was a single mom of a 3 year old living at home with my parents so definitely not the ideal life I had wanted for myself. And then I just remember all of a sudden one day she just like fell off the face of the earth, no more Facebook posts, she was gone. I just assumed she had quit modeling and whatever moved on with my life. A couple years later I came across a blog post from her which was totally random on my Facebook feed and was totally blown away.
”On the inside I was dying and broken. I weighed 95 pounds and was physically dying of an eating disorder that took over every moment of my life. I no longer had my own identity, but I had to conform to what the world wanted me to be and look like. I had no real friends, just people who wanted to use me to get ahead in their own life. I myself only wanted to use people for my own success, trying to date as many famous men as I could to get higher in my own social status and reputation. I used people and they used me. I was abused for years, raped, wounded, but it didn’t matter. My heart was broken many times, and so I broke hearts to get over the pain. I was in thousands of dollars of debt in order to uphold this “image” that no one can ever really attain to. So I stole, lied, gave my body for modeling opportunities, compromised my own morals, and cheated people in order to continue to survive. I had abandoned my family because they saw the destruction this life was causing me and I wasn’t going to listen to them. I was a secret alcoholic drinking and crying myself to sleep every night because of the hurt and pain deep within my heart that I could never express. I had thousands of “fans”, guys that thought I was the hottest thing on the earth and girls that looked up to me and I was their “idol”. That’s what I had wanted my whole life, to be known, famous, successful, having people look up to me, though I knew deep in my heart that this was never the life I would wish on anyone else. But to me, it was all I had, it was what I thought made me worthy, valuable.” A Betrothed Bride
I feel like as soon as I saw that post it hit me you really never know what is going on behind closed doors! Here I am envious of this girl when in all reality she’s an alcoholic, been raped and abused for years, has no family or friends, in huge debt and all for what? To uphold an image? Is that what life is really about? Here I am wishing I had her life when in all reality she would probably be wishing she could have my “normal life”. Ya my life may not be the glamourous but you know what…it’s full of love, family, and friends and that’s truly the most important aspect of life! Nothing else matters! Not that fancy car you drive, not that designer purse you carry, not that mansion you love in. Without honesty, respect, family, friends, and love you have nothing!! I would say in the last couple months I have grown so much. After my miscarriage and then losing my Granny, I realized I would give up all the money in the world and all these stupid materialistic things in order to have my loved ones back, in order to give birth to that beautiful baby I never had the pleasure of meeting. None of that “stuff” matters to me! What matters to me most is the health and well-being of my family. With that I have decided no more being envious of others on the internet. No more scrolling through my newsfeed looking at mindless pictures of girls showing off their new purses, cars, whatever it may be…it brings nothing to my life. All it does is make me second guess my life and decisions and feel bad about myself. Why watch or look at something that makes you feel this way? Why bring negativity into your life? From now on I want nothing but positivity and inspiration! With that I have and am still in the process of deleting numerous accounts on my Instagram, I don’t need to look at these accounts anymore, they do nothing for me. And I will have to say in the past couple days of weeding out the “bad” accounts I am happy after looking through my Instagram, I love my feed now how it’s filled with home décor inspiration and other fitness moms like myself who are full of encouragement, they don’t bring me down, they lift me up! I hope that you take a step back in your life and think of what’s bringing happiness in your life and what’s bringing you negativity. It’s time to weed out the bad and make room for the good!