//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js Yup it’s official we are expecting baby #3!! Even as I write this it doesn’t seem real! I never intended to wait this long to reveal our amazing news but I just feel like the time is flying by. Weeks 4-8 crawled by but ever since our 1st ultrasound to verify there really was a baby there; the time is just speeding by. I haven’t been documenting this pregnancy like I wanted to, I feel like with Kaiden I already had so many pictures and a scrapbook started whereas now I feel like I don’t have much. They say the more children you have the less and less you do but that is sad of me to think, I don’t want this child to feel less important. I just honestly have been kept busy with working, having 2 children already, and then a combination of not feeling good in the beginning, being exhausted, and probably the biggest factor is being scared. My last pregnancy I lost at 8weeks so to say I’ve been nervous this time around is an understatement. Every little feeling, pain, emotion I freak out…am I miscarrying? Is my stress level going to cause me to have a miscarriage? I must have looked up the symptoms of miscarriage at least 10 times in the last month! It really sucks that the innocence of pregnancy is lost for me but I just can’t help but always have that worry in the back of my mind. As long as I’m pregnant though I don’t think that worry will go away, I’m finally out of the 1sttrimester but realistically something could go wrong during any gestation period.
So yesterday we met with the pregnancy specialist because if you remember my 2nd child was delivered at only 29 weeks. I had a feeling I would be now considered “high risk” based on my history but hearing the Dr officially diagnose me as high risk sent me overboard. She also said to me that if I didn’t do any precautionary measures that I would more than likely deliver even earlier then 29 weeks this time. I instantly started bawling and all I could think about was that I can’t have another baby in the NICU. I don’t know if I can physically and mentally go through that again. Even to this day, 2 years later, sometimes when I talk about Kaiden’s 1st couple months of life I get so teary eyed and upset. I really feel like that was a very traumatic time in my life and to think of living that nightmare again terrifies me. I was a wreck all day yesterday, I literally just needed a day to feel sorry for myself, I did nothing but cry all day. I was mentally exhausted and just felt like a million “what ifs” were running through my mind. I felt very sad, I was scared, but most of all I was angry! I just feel like it’s not fair! Why do I have to go through all these steps just to have a baby? I know I should be grateful that I can even get pregnant but no matter what situation you are in whether its infertility, experiencing a miscarriage, or being high risk it’s still not fair! Why can’t I just be like the majority of women in the world? Why can’t I just get pregnant easily? Why can’t I carry a normal healthy term baby? Why do I have to take this completely different road to get the same result that other woman get with no problems? Just like when I delivered Kaiden early, I felt robbed, I felt like I missed out on so many different milestones of being pregnant. And that’s how I feel now! I feel robbed of carrying a baby to term! I feel as if this joyous experience is being taking away from me and now instead it’s replaced with a surgical procedure and weekly injections. I know the Dr isn’t saying I can’t carry full term; it’s just going to be more of a struggle to get there.
I woke up today with a new outlook! I got dressed, I did my makeup and hair, I’m ready to get back to nesting and organizing my house because I’m determined to stay strong and positive for this baby! I am going to fight and do everything I can to ensure I do what’s best for my child. No more pity party for Rachael, it’s time to face the facts and just embrace this journey GOD has put me on. I’m not saying I like it, but there’s nothing I can do to change it, so I might as well just go with the flow. I can’t sit and stress about being on bedrest and paying my bills. I literally just need to focus on getting through today and doing the best I can for my body today!
How far along? 13 weeks
Total weight gain? 4lbs
Maternity clothes? Haven’t been wearing maternity clothes for about a month now! I feel like this pregnancy my belly popped out way quicker than my other pregnancies. I hate how expensive maternity clothes are though, the thought of paying so much $$ on something you’re only going to be wearing for a short period of time sucks! So I have definitely been the bargain shopper lately shopping at Ross, Target, Old Navy, Sears, and then bought a couple pairs of pants on clearance at Motherhood Maternity. I have invested in 3 pairs of shorts and then the rest were all t-shirts, tank tops, and then even just regular tank tops in a size L.
Best moment this week? Seeing our lil baby move all around at our ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat. It’s always so reassuring knowing baby is still healthy!
Stretch marks? Not yet (knock on wood)
Movement? Still to early
Food cravings: Chocolate milk and then last night I saw a commercial for raisin bran and was like “omg that looks so good”! Definitely will be adding that to my grocery list. Oh ya and we can’t forget the ice cream I eat at least every other night.
Anything making you queasy or sick? Occasionally chicken isn’t to appealing to me just depends how it’s cooked though
Have you started to show yet? Oh ya! It’s been especially hard since I haven’t told very many people yet, I have to always wear baggy tops but lately I’m just like forget it, I’m embracing this bump and just going with it.
Gender? We don’t know yet! The ultrasound tech said she thinks she had an idea what we’re having but Jeremy wants to wait until our 20 week ultrasound.
Labor signs: Better not be having any for quite some time!
Belly button in or out? Still in
Wedding rings on or off? Still on
Happy or moody most of the time? Definitely get irritated very quickly; I’m still really tired all the time so don’t have as much patience for Kaiden and his terrible twos.
Looking forward to? Every week this baby getting bigger and stronger!