Last week was one of the biggest emotional roller coasters I’ve experienced in a long time; I literally spent all of Wednesday crying after my appointment with the high risk specialist. I woke up on Thursday with a new found attitude though; I was determined to have a full term pregnancy no matter the odds against me! On Wednesday I felt very much defeated as if my dreams of a “normal” pregnancy were taken away from me. I just want to deliver a healthy term baby so bad and let my husband experience the joy of having the baby placed on my chest, hearing the baby cry as they wipe him/her down, and then bundling the baby up so daddy can hold for the first time. I don’t want a quick peek of my baby before it’s whisked away to the NICU and then once again I’m left alone in a hospital room as if nothing just happened. I know my husband would say, “as long as I have a healthy baby I don’t care if it gets taken down to the NICU”, but as a mother I just want to experience pregnancy and childbirth the way they should be.
On Friday my husband and I met with my new OB, this OB deals with his own high risk pregnancies so at this appointment we would need to discuss our options and decide what path and what doctor we were going to choose. Right away the demeanor of this appointment was totally different, I felt so at ease and there was no, “let me stamp high risk right across your forehead”, there was no, “if you do nothing your baby will be delivered even sooner than 29 weeks”. This doctor was so calm and basically said that he feels things could have been different with Kaiden if I would have been monitored differently so I’m not 100% considered “high risk”. He went on to mention that so far everything looks great and that if we do a cerclage next week he doesn’t see why we can’t get me to full term. He just really made me feel like my goal in this pregnancy is really possible and it’s not going to be as hard as it was made out to be at first. I almost wish I would have just met with him only and not had the crap scared out of me 2 days before. Mind you this is the same doctor that happened to be on that night that I went into labor with Kaiden and he was AMAZING!! It was one of the scariest nights of my life and he was so calm and made me feel so at ease that everything was going to be ok and it was. That delivery was the most calm and well-orchestrated delivery I’ve had so far and the whole delivery and NICU team worked together wonderfully.
It’s so funny how different doctors are in their opinions of how things should be done and what medications to take. This new doctor said get a cerclage; go out on disability around 27 weeks but no medication. He doesn’t believe in giving pregnant women progesterone, he doesn’t believe it even works as the only study claiming that it does work is by the company that manufactures the drug. Hmm isn’t that funny! To him it has more of a placebo effect if anything. My biggest lesson I’ve learned through this all though, is if you’re not comfortable with a doctor’s opinion then seek out another one. It is your body after all you know best, I do feel Kaiden was a fluke thing and I do feel this time can be different. I’m only working 2 days a week now instead of 3, I will make sure to have lighter assignments when working, no more working overtime, and this time around if I feel something is wrong I’m going to be persist about having it checked. I don’t care if I’m in triage a couple times a week, I would rather be that obnoxious patient always in triage then deliver a NICU baby again. I will continue to keep you guys update on my cerclage and week of bedrest! Fingers crossed my husband can handle the new responsibility!